Best 6 Ways to Deal with Disconnected Husband after Baby!
All relationships have ups and downs, and it is okay to feel lonely sometimes. There comes that time where all that keeps you going is the memories of the first months. In a marriage, there comes that stage where you live with your partner but feel disconnected. It feels awkward to be with your partner in the same place. There seems to be no physical or mental connection between the two of you. In other words, you are a couple outwardly, but internally you are not.
This mostly happens when there are babies involved. According to studies, there is a difference in the disconnection between couples, and the women feel more disconnected as compared to men. With the excitement that comes with getting a baby as a couple, you rarely think of a time that the same baby will bring some changes to your marriage.
Babies are a blessing when they come, but on the other hand, they bring significant changes to marriage. Just like preparing to have a baby, you need to prepare for the changes that will come with the baby. Before your baby is born, your partner is your baby, and you shower each other with love, affection, and attention. But as soon as you get the first child, things change. There is someone who now demands your attention.
Babies have a lot of demands, and their needs cannot wait. The attention and affection that you used to give to your partner are now shifted to the child. This can create a gap between the two of you, and this will make you feel disconnected.
So, when you realize you are starting to disconnect from your partner, what should you do? First and foremost, know that it is very common to feel disconnected. Also, take out time, sit back and know that this is not permanent.
If you feel left out, unheard, distant, overlooked, tired, or even overworked, know that your marriage has not hit the rocks. On the contrary, it means that you have a partner. The bright side is that you can work on your marriage, and things will be normal with time.
According to marriage experts, you can revive your first spark through the following six ways:
1. Remind your hubby that he matters to you
It is very easy to lose the connection when the baby arrives. If all that you and your husband ever talk about is about the baby, the only stories in the house are about what the baby did during the day; then there are high chances of feeling disconnected.
Besides telling your husband about what the baby did, remember to tell your hubby what you feel about him. If your husband leaves home early every day to go to work, appreciate his efforts.
Remind him that he still matters to you and that you love him. There is nothing that beats the feeling of being valued and loved by your partner.
2. Focus on Connecting with Each other
Yes, communication is key to the success of any marriage. However, the arrival of the baby has not taken away the communication because you still talk about the baby. So shift your focus to connecting with each other.
For you to connect, you need to spend time – quality time – together. You need to make time for each other. You need to schedule things that will help you to be with each other. Time together, even as little as having coffee together is crucial.
Besides that, ensure that you set some time during the day when you simply focus on each other. Once you have connected with your partner, communication will come naturally.
3. Have Sex
Before you got your baby, sex came naturally, but when the baby comes in, sex just happens. You have every excuse not to have sex. Either you are tired, or you didn’t sleep well the night before, so all you want is to sleep. Simply put, you are both adjusting to having a stranger in your life, and all you care for is the baby.
If you are feeling disconnected from your husband, ask yourself when was the last time that you had sex with your hubby. Yes, a few days after delivering, it might not be possible to make love, but once you regain your body back, it is critical to be intimate.
As a mother, you might not feel the urge for intimacy because you cuddle your baby from time to time. Also, as your baby is suckling, you might get satisfied with the physical touch. Your husband, on the other work, spends the whole day at work, and he does not get as much physical contact as you do.
Both of you might be exhausted after the day’s work, but your hubby needs your touch and cuddling as much. Therefore, ensure that you hug, cuddle, kiss, and, most importantly, make love to your hubby if you want to bring back the connection. Making love is the greatest bonding factor for partners.
Remember, sex does not just happen; you need to be prepared. The best way to have sex with your hubby is to plan for it. Just like when you were still dating, you used to plan when to have sex, it is important to plan when to have sex. Just because you have a baby does not mean that you cannot prepare for sex. Shave your legs, and flirt with your hubby a little. Also, ensure that the baby is not in the bedroom when you are making love. There is nothing that kills the occasion as when you start making out, and then the baby starts to cry.
4. Love him
During this stage of your marriage, your husband is likely to feel lonely and unloved because the kid has all your affection and attention. Do not assume that he will understand. Also, he might feel deprived of the care that you used to give him and feel distant from the people he should love the most.
Learning how to connect with your husband will help you to navigate through this stage. It is important to love him just as you did from the very beginning. Just as you would not like your baby to feel unloved, it is crucial to make your hubby feel loved.
When your husband comes home from work, do not make him feel like in the second priority in the house. Pay attention to what he needs, just as you need him to give you his attention. Be excited to see him. Also, make the kids happy to see him. You are his family. Home is the only place in the world where a man feels like a king, make him feel like one.
How does your husband feel like he returns home? Or does your husband feel like when he comes back, all that matters is the kids? Every man needs to get the assurance that he is loved. The first step to getting connected with your hubby is to make him feel loved and cared for. Every day, create time to love him and love him unconditionally.
5. Small things
The first step to getting to connect with your husband is doing the little things in your family. It is not the big things that matter, but small things. This not only helps to create trust in your marriage but also it helps to build intimacy and romance.
The simple act of not taking the small interactions that you have with each other can significantly impact your connection. Helping him with the simple things around the house will do great good in your connection. Do not say hush words to each other but communicate simply and plainly.
There are several ways through which you can learn when you can help your partner. Ensure that you ask your husband questions on what he might need.
Also, always remember the answers he gives you and ask more questions where you do not understand. For you to know what your hubby needs, you must ask.
Remember, when the baby arrives, people can change the things they used to like. For instance, the kind of movies that your husband loved before the baby might have changed because of the baby. Therefore, the more the questions that you ask, the more emotional involvements that will come in from both of you, and it can help you to connect.
6. Say Thank You
As much as it is vital to make your husband feel appreciated, it is crucial to let him know what you cherish about him. He needs to understand that every effort he makes means much to you. Look out for opportunities where you find your husband doing something right in the house and tell him thank you.
For instance, if you find him taking out the trash, thank him for taking the garbage out and show that you appreciate it. Every time you say thank you, there is an emotional connection that happens between the two of you. Slowly but steadily, you build your emotional bank, which will eventually make both you connected.
It is the simple acts of love that keep people connected. It is what seems too small for connection that contributes significantly to connecting with each other.
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Fighting with Husband after Baby
Taking care of a baby can lead to fights even in the best of marriages. The exhaustion, differences in parenting methods, worries, and unmet expectations are the major causes of couple fights after a baby has arrived.
Some of the major causes of couple fights after the baby include the following:
The number one cause of couple fights is sleep. Each partner is concerned with who is getting more sleep than the other. Also, who should get more sleep over the weekend, who deserves to sleep more and so much more sleep-related things.
When, as a parent, you are not getting enough sleep, it will affect your moods. When you cannot control your feelings, it is easy to fight over small things.
2. Who works more
Partners just like kids like to revenge each other. They start to act like teenagers who compete with each other instead of helping each other. Some of the house chores and attending to the baby are the significant areas where couples compete. Who changed the baby’s diapers more today? Who woke more times to attend to the baby than the other? Who washed the dishes after dinner? These are some of the small things that many couples fight over.
Of course, as a mother and wife, you will do more chores around the house because you stay at home while the husband is at work. It is okay to feel like you want to be helped. But if you could work on a workable schedule on who is doing what will help resolve most of these problems.
When the baby comes, there are more chores to be attended to in the house. There are diapers to be changed, feeding, crying spells, and so much more. With all these things to be attended to, sex does not feature anywhere.
You both should understand that for the first few months, it might be challenging to find time for sex. However, it is essential to find things that will bring you together, which will compensate for the lack of intimacy.
For instance, you can do massage or intimate touching and kissing. These are some of the ways that you can stay close without necessarily making love.
Another great cause of fights in marriage is money. Getting a baby is quite expensive. There is a lot of shopping to be done, and your savings might be running low. Besides that, if both of you were working before the baby come, your family might experience a money shortage.
If the primary cause of your arguments is money, then find a way of agreeing on a budget. If you can work on a baby budget, it will help to overcome most of the arguments. Most importantly, remember to allocate some money for yourselves. You need some night out together to bond and spoil each other. Also, when discussing financial issues, try not to bring your emotions into the discussion.
Hating partner after having a baby
According to research, most couples become less satisfied with their marriages after having a baby. This is caused by the mother and wife attending to more chores to attend to as compared to the husband. Besides that, as a mother, you have a new found love- your baby.
You want to shower your baby with all your love, and you feel like your husband should understand. And it is possible to feel like your love for your husband is just there just like the old times.
However, it is crucial to learn how to balance the love between your husband and your baby without the other feeling left out. If you fail to do this, then you risk losing your marriage. As a matter of fact, the more you love your child, the more you are likely to love your husband.
All marriages have their low moments. But the first step towards healing your relationship is to acknowledge that the disconnection in your marriage is a sign that you need to work on each other. And it calls for decided moves both from you and your hubby.
Just as the disconnection happened over time, don’t expect the connection to happen overnight. Start small and give it time and see what happens. However, you need to give re-connection your first priority. By prioritizing your connection, you are on your way to reconnecting with your husband.
Another great way to reconnect is by spending quality time together. If you have not been spending time together, do not expect magic to happen when spending time together for the first time. Give it time, and things will change.
Most importantly, ensure that you use novelty during the process – try going to new places, taking long walks in places where you can hold hands it will help you to bond.
According to studies, it has been found that using novelty allows couples who are trying to reconnect after having a baby. Therefore, if you can find where to leave your baby, go out for novel nights, and the spark will be back after some time.